1. The US has spacious skies and purple mountains. And, around the edges, seas (at least one of which is shiny)
2. In 2016, a president was elected who might be smarter than a 5th grader - but definitely not as mature
3. Where the best laid plans of mice & men have resulted in several successful Disney projects
4. The military gets a lot of money while schools have to hold a bake sale to get more weapons for their resource officers & teachers
5. Freedom from state-supported religion (except on money, the pledge of allegiance, government…)
6. Social distancing means only 6 feet, other wimpier countries need a full 2 meters
7. Affirmative action now on the black list – supposedly won’t be missed;
Because it’s for naught, proclaims the Court;
Select based on green, or where Daddy’s been;
Say justices pious, it’s confirmation by us.
8. Harley Davidson has a new motorcycle for those on a low carb diet. Instead of the traditional ‘potato’ exhaust sound, owners will be able to tune it to say ‘rutabaga’ or ‘kohlrabi’
9. After their Presidential DNR legislation narrowly failed, the House of representatives instead passed a Presidential DNHHIHFCGU (Do Not Help Him If He’s Fallen & Can’t Get Up) order
10. The debt ceiling is now at a level very close to the debt roof, however former students crammed in the debt attic space ensure R-values are maintained
11. Phoenix rises, only to find that it’s still very hot at 7am. Realizing that living in a desert has drawbacks, is considering relocation - preferably to where a golf course isn’t the only place with a lawn
12. Children without adult supervision survive at least 40 days in Animal Crossing
13. Ubiquitous convenience stores – easy to just shoot in & out
14. A new medicine was developed to prevent TBD syndrome. Lab studies show Nebulousivax is at least as effective as doing nothing. Side effects may include vague expectations of well-being. Not to be used if treatment already includes Happy Meals. Discontinue use if the manufacturer’s executive management team becomes sclerotic - see your financial adviser for details
15. The National Hot Rod Association still has drag races
16. Consistent with a recent ruling, individual SCOTUS justices will be at liberty to recuse themselves from hearing or responding to any case where the oral arguments are inconsistent with their beliefs, or even just make them feel a bit squirmy
17. Corporations have rights & obligations that at one time were thought to apply only to individuals; if they get pregnant they may not be allowed to terminate
18. Apple reimagined the selfie stick &, in coordination with its Health App, now offers users the opportunity to perform a DIY colonoscopy
19. The USDA approved chicken grown from cells, a move welcomed by chickens raised in cells
20. America Strong. But also a bit flabby & getting older. So maybe America Hefty, but still self-confident & sometimes awfully cute
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