Day 2 – Mogul gloomy. Tried to lighten the mood by saying his buzz cut made his hair look better than Boris Johnson’s. He was not amused. Am considering changing his Secret Service name from Mogul to Trumplethinskin. After lights-out, insisted I tuck him in.
Day 5 – Mogul continues to maintain there were thousands at election night party in cafeteria. Reminded him that per regulation it had max capacity of 58. He said he was rounding up.
Day 9 – Burgum arrived. Mogul really disappointed, thought announcement was “burger” arrived. Then Ramaswamy showed up with chicken nuggets. Mogul much happier, nominated him for Secretary of Health & Human Services.
Day 12 - One week since I replaced my predecessor after he took one for the President in the showers. Don’t know that I would have done the same - really glad Mogul now uses soap on a rope.
Day 14 – Prison food doesn’t seem to agree with Mogul – spends a lot of time sitting on the ‘oval office’ & complains that the seat is not gold, just cold. Worried about his health, reminded him that Speaker Johnson has offered to donate a kidney. Mogul grateful, nominated him for Secretary of Health & Human Services.
Day 15 - Transition update. Mogul getting paler every day – almost looks normal. Interestingly, whenever VP-elect Rubio shows up he looks increasingly orange.
Day 20 – Mogul craving hot dog. Kristi Noem stopped in with fresh dog. Mogul delighted, nominated her for Secretary of Health & Human Services
Day 22 – Trouble finding someone suitable for Secretary of Veterans Affairs. Mogul wants a heroic veteran but also insists they must therefore be dead. Decided he will redefine the role & take it on personally given his experience as a veteran of many affairs.
Day 24: – Mogul’s back really bothering him. Sen Graham offered him his spine. Mogul nominated him for Secretary of Health & Human Services then remembered Graham spineless. Withdrew nomination.
Day 25 – Day designated for conjugal visit. Former First Lady was not interested. New First lady said she had bad headache. Sen Scott offered services of his fiancé. Mogul not interested until reminded she is white. Nominates Scott for Secretary of Health & Human Services
Day 28 – Mogul unveils Trumpcare, to be available only to those who aren’t too sick & must have a Trump Card. Likes the idea so much, nominates himself for Secretary of Health & Human Services.
Day 29 - Day before release on parole. Mogul in great mood – nothing to do with being freed or 2nd inauguration or even pardoning, had just heard that he will feature in new one-off reality TV special. Law & Order – Persecuted President Unit
I love that you are writing again! So, so clever, Chris.