Meanwile...

·        Jesus is returning the Apple Vision Pro he ordered for Fathers’ Day. His Dad felt that wearing it would make him look like a bit of a dork & that it would make the non-augmented reality he had spent so much time working on look pretty crappy.

·        The CDC released statistics showing that 90% of the population is overweight, noting that the figure is a % by weight so only about 2/3 of people are actually heavier than they should be – but those people are really obese.  Separately they provided reassurance regarding the battle against infectious diseases; adding powerful prefixes like mega & ultra to the names of existing drugs will ensure they are not intimidated by bacteria called mere ‘superbugs’

·        The Alzheimers Association, knowing its official anthem should be based on a well-known sing-along tune, has settled on a slightly modified version of Auld Lang Syne - “Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should old acquaintance be forgot, that could be a worrying sign.”

·        Mathematicians are working on digitizing the entire set of whole numbers but remain focused on the first two

·        Former President Trump has declared that he in fact:

established Trump Tower as a new national monument; issued several additional pardons; signed a free trade agreement with Hawaii; ordered a cheeseburger to be delivered by a naked intern

All because he thought about it at the time

·        Following a sustained loss of market share & stock price, Intel has revealed plans for construction of a $4 Billion chip plant. When complete it is intended to manufacture chips with a feature size of 3mm, which should make them competitive with Frito-Lay’s technology.

·        The Red Cross & UNICEF have agreed on a new approach to seeking aid for those dying of starvation in parts of the world stricken by war or famine.  When those suffering are seen to be within days of death, small groups of them will be sealed in metal tubes & dropped in designated lakes.  It is assumed this will get the attention needed to trigger resource intensive efforts to save them.

·        Hill Valley, California will compete with the network of Tesla EV Fast Charge stations by offering access to their town square during lightning storms, on the off chance the clock tower gets hit at just the right instant

·        A moon of Saturn has been found to have carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, sulfur & phosphorus – all the elements regarded as necessary to support life. Except for pizza delivery.

·        President Biden & Prime Minister Modi have reached agreement on a land purchase which will provide some much-needed extra space for India’s 1.4 billion people & enhance import/export efficiency while drastically reducing the US Federal Debt. Approximately 36,000 square miles of land in the Midwest will be sold, as-is, to India.  The region will be called India North America (IndiaNA) with some signage already in place.  It’s not yet known if most residents will be known as Hindoosiers.