Heritage
It’s worth remembering that, after a quiet nine month campaign, Charles emerged as the early front-runner in the November 1948 primary. Being a bloke was a bonus & since then he has remained alive, thereby doing nothing to hurt his chances. Public financing of his campaign surely also helped. Donald Trump suggested the whole thing was rigged after his claim - that ‘Saxe-Coburg & Gotha’ was an alternative spelling of his old family name - did not gain traction. There was a rumor that the Queen’s last word was “Rover” – which in turn led to concern that her favorite Corgi would take over. Fortunately, the UK rarely applies the petriarchal system.
Royal Wave
Contrary to popular belief, this subtle gesture – characterized by a slight rotation of the wrist, producing a modest hand wave – is not done to avoid being ostentatious or getting tired. It’s intended to subtly display both sides of a well-manicured & very clean hand to the masses, thereby reminding them that servants take care of wiping the royal bottoms.
Crowning Achievements
As supreme governor of the Anglican Church, Charles will attend a lot of services but if a sermon is too long/boring he has royal prerogative to report the droning priest to the Archbishop &/or have a nap with no concern over repercussions. He also gets a massive supply of commemorative tea towels, which make excellent thank you gifts for the huddled masses who brought bespoke offerings for him. Perhaps most importantly, having been crowned, he can at last move backwards.
Handball or football
As head of state, the sovereign has ready access to a secure briefcase containing top secret information. Akin to the “football” containing the nuclear codes that is always near the US President, the British version contains a sealed copy of the funniest joke in the world (don’t ask - apparently gross, in multiple languages) & a hand-written recipe for quick & easy sticky toffee pudding (that a neighbor friend of Queen Anne shared with her 300 years ago). In a national security emergency the UK football would of course be kicked to the King.
Burger King
The next most recent King Charles was Charles II but, as the eldest son of Charles I, at the time he was actually known as Charles Jr. His most notable accomplishment was founding a popular eatery – later franchised - that bore his name. In 1677 it made the ten best new London restaurants list & the top-selling item was a dog meat pasty, which came to be known as the King Charles Spaniel. One could be bought for tuppence & an additional farthing got you the platter upgrade - which included a serving of lightly seasoned potato wedges.
Billie Jean also a King who served
The royal formerly known as prince wore a single coronation glove, paying homage to that worn by Michael Jackson – the King of Pop. Historians tell us this was a discreet nod to the King’s preferred music of the 1980s when he & his starter wife spent many hours doing separate royal moon-walk-abouts.
Ayes & Neighs
Queen Elizabeth II lent her name to many institutions and an impressive ocean liner. So far, Charles III has said yes to a horse being named in his honor. In the family tradition it was thoroughly bred, with a bloodline that includes mares & stallions from all over Europe. While intended to mostly see action as a polo pony, Charlie3 will also line up in the fifth race at Churchill Downs next weekend. Currently paying $2.50 for the show or 50c/lb.
Butterfly Effect
The impact that small changes in initial conditions can have on deterministic nonlinear systems is well represented in the British Royal family. A raised eyebrow & Harry Windsor, poor chap, was consigned to the third row at the ceremony, being treated like he is merely a wealthy & famous influencer. And historically the Monarch having a seemingly trifling flap could cause riots in colonies in far flung corners of the empire weeks later. Next thing you know… fully armed battalions arrive to remind them of his love.
Scandal in the Wind
Elton John turned down the opportunity to perform or to release an updated song to mark the occasion. Vera Lynn did not respond to requests to appear but Katy Perry & Lionel Richie did – representing the adjunct county of Far South West Cornwall. Coronation concert musicians might have included Prince Andrew, but he was dissuaded from performing his version of ‘Thank Heaven for Little Girls’, even though he had updated the title to “Let me at that Lady-in-waiting”.
Anointing Screen
Much has been made of the holy oil being applied out of view. In fact there were several more reasons for a few moments of comparative privacy. One was so the King’s personal trainer could help with a few crown, orb etc. wielding exercises. Most important was the update to a ritual that Charles had requested, based on his lurid interest in certain aspects of Camilla’s ‘female routines’ before they were formally betrothed. By order of the newly crowned King the ancient order of the Garter has been replaced by the decidedly contemporary order of the Twine – which involves the attachment of a triple-stranded string to an integral part of the King’s anatomy. The exact location was not visible and unknown to anyone but the royal surgeon and the Queen, with Camilla having the exclusive right – whenever she feels the time is right – to gently withdraw the King’s ‘scepter’.
Royal Line of Succession
With marching bands, military & other pageantry over for now, thoughts turn to “who’s next?” Charles III is old so it’s worth considering the next few in line for the top job. The list could change at any time as the family tree adds & loses branches but as of now the immediate heir is Charles’ eldest (who would likely become William V) and numbers 2-4 are Prince William’s three children. Of course there have been upsets before so don’t count out Kendall & Roman Roy acceding and ruling as co-Kings.
Hope & Glory – the King’s calling card:
I come not to be served, but to serve
[…And so I’m hoping, for the good of the commonwealth, that members will therefore drop a good 15% or so of their tourism budget in my tip jar]
Charles III
(Preferred pronouns HRH/HRH/HRH’s)