Glory Days
Congratulations to the class of 2024 & thank you for inviting me to speak here today, it’s an honor.
It’s nice to see such an inspiring group, full of potential. Some of you have already exceeded expectations. Good for you – although I suppose that could be because expectations were low, but no matter. Or maybe you exceeded them, but in a bad way. That would be unfortunate. But surely most of you have at least done, as Ronald Reagan used to say, “well”. And the rest of you have at least rated, as David Beckham often noted, “Pass”. Of course the real class of the class of ’24 are already leading AI start-ups or have a million followers – so my remarks are not for those over-achievers.
This is a time to reflect on challenges faced, some of which you coped OK with. Acknowledge the accomplishments amid the adversity. What is done is done - let bygones be bygones. After all, what else could they be? For, as the saying goes, those who ignore History are doomed to repeat it. And that also goes for Algebra & Civics. And yet Mark Twain once noted that history doesn’t repeat but it rhymes. I’ve thought a lot about that & realized that history does indeed rhyme – with ‘mystery’. Like, exactly what did Billie Joe McAllister & that other person throw off the Tallahatchie Bridge all those years ago. At some point that was big news, but now it’s very old news which means it doesn’t really qualify as news at all. And they say no news is good news but wait, isn’t no news really the absence of news? Huh. And history is old news, so not actual news, & it is written by the winners, so is it even really objective truth? Anyway - Back to the future… you are the future & the future is now. Well actually now is the present, & - wouldn’t you know it - now it’s the past so we need a new now. Oops, happened again. Forget it – for nobody knows what the future holds, or even its grip strength. So let’s consider what JFK said… “ask what you can do for your country” but who to ask? You? I mean, at this point do you really have a clue? So I have a few predictions that may be helpful… Covid will reappear in a more virulent form, so get out there & trademark all the Covid names from Covid24 to Covid99 – at least one of them will make someone rich. Similarly with putting the suffix “strong” after every major city – it will get really popular when any of them experience a mass shooting. Be an influencer – you could start by creating & editing your own Wikipedia page & make yourself seem special, but then everyone already is.
While here you have all grown, & will continue to grow in many ways & that is a good thing. Though if it turns into too much of a good thing there is always Wegovy. Along those lines I feel a sandwich analogy best captures the prospects. Many of you will turn out to be heros, these days it doesn’t take much - second or even just third responders may qualify. A few of you may become part-time teachers, occasionally returning to this place as subs. The rest of you will be grinders. Whatever, you will all fill a roll. Relish it.
It’s a multi-choice world so some of you will become fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles. Some - all of the above. Just remember, everything happens for a reason & when you’re grumpy or don’t give a damn & then you make something happen the reason just may not be a very good one. But make your voice heard, leave your mark & if you pick some endeavor that nobody else has contrived – you could end up in the Guinness Book of World Records! Above all do something about this climate change thing - it’s up to your generation or, or as it says in the Constitution, “we the people” – but get real, it actually means selected young people.
A few recommendations from one who had trouble deciding which advice to take but was wise enough to ignore any that didn’t suit him:
Remember Murphy’s law often applies so if something becomes a real dilemma, blame Murphy.
Anything old enough to be inaccurately remembered is ‘classic’, anything that is neither that old nor contemporary is crap.
Honorifics of the most prestigious positions you attain are often retained for life so some of you should prepare to always be known by the title ‘deputy hall monitor’.
You must prepare to face adversity. As Taylor Swift counsels – when there’s too much negativity the best response is often to ‘Shake it Off’. And of course that’s also useful for sending feedback to Google.
So, in conclusion, class of 2024: whatever your feelings about your time at the institution you leave today & whatever your concerns about what comes next, go with your head held high – for that looks best in group selfies - & good luck in High School.